Manic Me

I’ll probably always post on this blog when I am in some sort of manic state.  That would be right now.  I’m trying not to over-plan, over-commit, or overdo.  I showed up to help a friend coach some high school kids a few days ago and I talked way too much.  Had to send an apology email and promise not to do that again.  But since I am “up,” there is no self-loathing.  That will come later.

Prioritizing is an important skill in a manic state.  Distractions are hard to resist, like a toddler with a succession of shiny balls hanging around him and a favorite toy across the room.  The toy gets neglected, and when that toy is one of my kids, it is not good.  When the toy/activity is music or baking or bike riding, who cares?  The distractions are usually household chores or cleaning that corner of the kitchen that no one even sees. . . .  I usually finish the main task, but the time frame is unusual and full of detours.

Most people think that manic me is the real me.  I used to think so, too, until a radio doctor described bipolar disorder one day and I realized that he was describing me.  Dr. Edell said that there are so many varieties of this condition, it was almost impossible to gather all the symptoms into one neat package.  There’s the mostly up, sometimes low hyperactive; the medium-to-low depressive and everything in between, including the full-blown bipolars who tend toward suicide at one end and crazy-spending/exercising on the manic side.  I suddenly realized that I was not lazy, not an occasionally horrible procrastinator, and not unaccountably anti-social most of the time.  It was such a relief.  And the beginning of my journey to find what was available that would help.

More about that later.

Bipolar 2

I think about this blog from time to time and wonder if I'll ever get back to writing. I had all the best intentions to make this my minimum writing exercise every week and maybe encourage a few folks. I then became discouraged with writing in general and decided that my very first blog post was more likely true and that I really didn't have that much of value to say. That may or may not be true.

I have recently been filled with a desire to help others in a way that is not easily found, on a subject that is not often talked about. Since a very famous actress announced last year that she is a Bipolar-2 sufferer, I have been thinking about what I might do to help those who have been diagnosed, suffer in silence or self-medicate dangerously as a result of this commonly misdiagnosed (or undiagnosed) mental illness. I have not kept this a secret from my closest friends and I have sometimes suffered from the stigma of this condition. I have been my own best guinea pig. I have tried so many supplements and a few medications, very few of which helped, but I have learned some very important things, which i intend to start writing about.

I'll start with the most important discovery of all. One can read the entire, fascinating story about this micro-nutrient supplement that has revolutionized my life and the lives of thousands of others here: http://truehope.com/default.aspx I hate health fraud with a vengeance and I don't believe this non-profit company falls under that all-too-common category of bogus health aids. I will write next about other things that continue to help me. Anyone out there?