Manic Me

I’ll probably always post on this blog when I am in some sort of manic state.  That would be right now.  I’m trying not to over-plan, over-commit, or overdo.  I showed up to help a friend coach some high school kids a few days ago and I talked way too much.  Had to send an apology email and promise not to do that again.  But since I am “up,” there is no self-loathing.  That will come later.

Prioritizing is an important skill in a manic state.  Distractions are hard to resist, like a toddler with a succession of shiny balls hanging around him and a favorite toy across the room.  The toy gets neglected, and when that toy is one of my kids, it is not good.  When the toy/activity is music or baking or bike riding, who cares?  The distractions are usually household chores or cleaning that corner of the kitchen that no one even sees. . . .  I usually finish the main task, but the time frame is unusual and full of detours.

Most people think that manic me is the real me.  I used to think so, too, until a radio doctor described bipolar disorder one day and I realized that he was describing me.  Dr. Edell said that there are so many varieties of this condition, it was almost impossible to gather all the symptoms into one neat package.  There’s the mostly up, sometimes low hyperactive; the medium-to-low depressive and everything in between, including the full-blown bipolars who tend toward suicide at one end and crazy-spending/exercising on the manic side.  I suddenly realized that I was not lazy, not an occasionally horrible procrastinator, and not unaccountably anti-social most of the time.  It was such a relief.  And the beginning of my journey to find what was available that would help.

More about that later.